The Lonely and the Mental
by zero434
Summary: He's shy, awkward and maybe even insecure. I could tell that he was lonely like me. He will be a great friend. He will be the one that would always be there for me. He will be the one that would love me unconditionally. He will be mine.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

**The Lonely and The Mental**

Chapter One: In the beginning all was good

It was a hot summer day. It was the perfect day to go out and swim in one of the many refreshing lakes that could be found in one of Britain's colonies: Upper Canada. Unfortunately, 10 years old Ivan Braginsky did not have the time to do so for he was working as a gardener for a rather wealthy man.

He and his sisters had moved into this land of 'opportunity' not just because they want to be more financially successful by starting a farm of their own, but also because nobody knew them. Well to be more accurate. It was because nobody knew who Ivan was; nobody knows what he had done. That was the main reason they had moved to this place.

Anyways, when they did arrive they found out that farming the land here would be very difficult. One would need a lot of man power to clear the land of the humungous trees and even out the land to make it more suitable for farming. Ivan was the only man in their small family and even though he was bigger than an average 10 years old he would not be able to clear that forestry piece of land before winter. They wouldn't be able to survive through the winter which is from what Ivan heard was as harsh as the winters in Russia.

Luckily a rich man by the name Arthur Kirkland, after hearing what the predicament their small family was in, Mr. Kirkland had been kind enough to offer for them to stay a small cottage near his house and gave Ivan a job as a gardener. His sister Yakatriena would have taken the job of being a maid but Ivan had refused to take care of his little sister Natalia.

Since that accident his little sister had started to distance herself away from him. Once she had clung to him every chance she got but now she looked at him with fear in her eyes and ran away from him every time he tried to approach her. Even Yakatriena acted cold towards him. Though he only did what he did to save them they now viewed him as a monster. He decided that it was better to give them time away from him and what better reason should he have to spend time away from them other than work?

The cottage was small but at least they had somewhere to stay warm in during the cold months. As there was not much gardening to during winter Mr. Kirkland offered Ivan another job. He was to be the playmate of his son. The man had said that they were roughly the same age and that it would be extremely helpful since his son could not really go out and make friends.

Ivan tried to argue with his broken English that he would not be the best of choice to be a playmate not just because of the fact that he seemed to scare of other children because of the abnormal colour of his eyes but because he could not speak the English language very well. The man had just brushed it off and said

"My son would be more than glad to teach you at least now he would have somebody to talk to". Ivan had no other choice but to accept the offer, after all beggars can't be choosers.

Ivan wiped the sweat off his forehead with the towel on his neck. Today was his first day at work and he was surprisingly enjoying it. He had always loved to warmth summer had to offer and the fact that he could get away from the suffocating silence at home made him really happy. As the boy toiled away in the garden heard the sound the squeaking.

The squeaking got louder and louder and then suddenly halted. The boy looked up and saw that at the top of the stairs that led to the garden, a frail looking kid with blond hair sitting in a wheelchair, but what really caught his attention were the other boy's eyes with the same unnatural colour as his. It wasn't just the colour that was similar... he thought as he examined the boy's eyes. His eyes held same loneliness that Ivan saw whenever he looked upon a mirror.

"Are you my new playma-." The boy didn't finish his question as he stared at Ivan's eyes.

"Y-you- I-I... we have the same colour of eyes..." The boy looked as astonished him.

"D-da..." was all the Russian boy could say.

"What?" the boy tilted his head in confusion. Ivan was going to tell the other boy that that meant yes but was interrupted as Mr. Kirkland came in panting behind his son. Once the man had caught his breath he looked at the boy.

"Now Matthew what did I say about going that fast!" The boy called Matthew looked down to his lap and mumbled.

"To not do it because I could get hurt"

"That's right. You better not do it again young man."

"Yes sir..." and with that the older man turned his gaze Ivan.

"So Ivan, I see that you have started working and quite well." The Englishman looked around his garden and smiled. "You would go quite far lad, if you keep working this hard."

Ivan nodded and tried to exchange morning pleasantries with his employer to the best of his ability but was only able to say good morning. The man just gave him a smile and waved to Ivan to come closer. Ivan was now just a foot away from the boy.

"Ivan I would like to meet my son, Matthew."

Ivan once again looked at the boy and saw a shy smile on his face. Then he noticed something, the boy's eyes where a darker shade of purple than his.

"G-good morning Ivan..." said the blonde boy as he looked down and started to fiddle with the hem of his well tailored shirt.

"Good morning." Was his short reply to the boy.

Ivan didn't know what else to say. Oh he understand most of the stuff these English people were saying but usually his sister was the one who handled speaking to people since she knew more how to speak English than he did and even if he did know how to speak that language he wouldn't know what to say anyways because he just did not like talking to people in general.

Matthew tugged at his father's sleeve and asked.

"Is that all he can say? Oh and he also said 'Da' what does that mean?"

Arthur crouched down beside his son and said.

"Well, Matthew Ivan has just come to Canada from Russia so can't speak our language that well so you would have to teach him. Also he is our new gardener-."

"But I thought he was my new playmate!"

"Matthew it's rude to interrupt." he said, gently scolding his son. The look down his lap again and mumbled an apology.

"Now where was I... Oh yes! He is our new gardener and your new playmate. Well at least during winter or when he doesn't have much work to do in the garden."

Both boys turned to each other and felt that their life would never be the same. Matthew held out his hand to the other boy and Ivan stepped closer to shake it.

A lonely boy stuck in a chair for the rest for his life and lonely boy fear by his family, both had had silence as their companion for some time. One would assume that it would be the start of a beautiful friendship but let me tell you now that there would nothing but betrayal and misery in store for them in this little story.

**Tbc.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

**The Lonely and The Mental**

**Notes: **_"Speaking in French"_

Chapter Two: Tu parle en francias!

I opened my eyes and stare at the ceiling. It was morning... why didn't I bother to shut the curtains the night before...? Oh yeah I had to go on that infernal metal contraption called a wheelchair so I didn't bother to get up and close them now, I'm punished by my laziness by having the sun blind me. Isn't that just what I need? In addition to being lame why not be blind too! Throw in being mute and as well it's not like anyone notices me anyways. They all leave me in the end anyhow, I'm sure father is just here because I remind him of mother and Alfred.

I sighed chasing away the negatives thoughts that invaded my mind every time I wake up and face this never ending sadistic play God created; the play called Life. After a few moments I was in my wheelchair and out of my room. It was in the first floor of our two story house which was a good thing considering my predicament. I was on my way to the washroom to empty my bladder when I bumped into father.

"Oh Matthew you are awake." I looked up to him and nodded silently. Well there you go. I might as well have been mute. For some reason I could never rise my voice. I've always spoke in this weak whispery voice. Ever since I can remember I have always been like this. I was the quite child, the good child, the shy child, the sickly child, the helpless child. That was me. One would think that everyone would dote on me. That everyone would love me but they are wrong. There was only one person who loved me but she's dead and everybody else just pities me. Then again I guess she really love me. If what she said in that note she left behind is true then she really didn't love me.

"You are still in you night clothes?" Father asked me.

"Y-yes, u-um you see I-I was going to the washroom-"

"There you go again, whispering as if someone would yell at you for speaking loudly." Father sighed and crouched down and pats me on the head. He looks me in the eyes and smiles at me. I can see it though. Every time he looks at me he sees mother. Then he gets that pained look on his eyes and turns his gaze away. I know why he does that too. When he looks at me long enough I start to remind him of brother.

"You have to start to speak louder son or else people won't hear what you are saying." Stands up and goes behind me and starts to push my chair towards the direction to the washroom.

"Yesterday when you met with Ivan you were speaking just fine love why is that?" I looked down my lap played with the hem of my sleeves. I do not know why I acted like I did in front that strange boy. Sure I was excited with the aspect that I would have a playmate I guess any would be if they had been a lonely as I. Its been quite silent in this house since Alfred left. That was a few years ago too.

There was also the fact that the strange boy had the same eye colour I do. That was another reason I was lonely. People thought I had really strange eyes so they stayed away. My mother called them pretty ones but there is that note so she probably didn't mean it.

"I-I don't know father um- well h-he has the same colour of eyes like I do... I thought I was the only one a-and I got curious so..." my voice was barely a whisper by the end. Father chuckled.

"Well I do admit the boy's eyes are like yours; very curious indeed."

Silence followed after that until reached washroom.

"Maybe you should take a bath as well. I will send for the maid." I felt my face heat up.

"I-I don't want the maid to help me I-I." I didn't want the maids to help me take a bath; I was a boy after all! Alfred use to help me before but when he left the maids took over the job but it just felt awkward.

"Hmm... I see you point but we don't have any other male servant except for Sebastian and he is pretty old and can't do much weight lifting and I have to leave in ten minutes for a meeting." It's moments like this that I curse being lame I need help with every little thing. Father thinks about it for a while before an idea came to him.

"How about we get Ivan to help you. I'm sure he can help you out. I believe he's around 13 years of age and will be able to assist you." Before I could say anything father took off and told one of the servants who was passing by to heat up some water as he made his way to the gardens. Isn't this great my first ever playmate is going to give me a bath.

Some minutes passed and Father came back with Ivan trailing behind him.

"Matthew you will have to tell him what do I'm afraid I have to go now if I want to make it to that meeting." With that he took off and left me and Ivan alone.

"I help you take bath now da?" I nodded.

I just got more awkward after that. My initial plan was to drain my bladder but for that I needed to well stand up. After some awkward moments and actions to show the other what I wanted to do the task was finished and the tub was filled with hot water and soap and I started to strip my clothes. What came after was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I didn't like the fact that I was naked in front of a total stranger so I asked Ivan too close his eyes as he carried me to the tub. That was a bad idea. Because he had his eyes closed he didn't see that there was some water on the floor and slipped.

"_I detest my life"_ I said in my mother's native language. In my desperate need to keep my privacy I ended up sprawled naked over a complete stranger. I looked at Ivan's face and so a surprised look on his face. I guess one would be if they were in stuck in a predicament such as this. Then he said something that that surprised me. Well it wasn't much with what he said but how he said it that shocked me.

"_You can speak French?"_

"_Yes... can you?" _Stupid question I know but I was too shocked at the moment to think about that.

"_Yes."_ We looked at each other for a little will and then I noticed that his face started to turn red and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Then I remembered the predicament we were in. It was my turn to blush.

"_I think it would be best if you put me in the tub now..."_He quickly nodded and got up and picked me up. After I was in the tub we both sighed and looked at each other again then away.

That was awkward.

**Tbc**

**Zero434: I'm not good with French and I don't want to use google transate do yeah. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

**The Lonely and The Mental**

**Notes: **_"Speaking in French"_

Chapter Three: Because of those Nobles

Since meeting Matvey yesterday I was very happy! He had eyes like me! I wasn't the only one with these freakish eyes. I wasn't alone! And unlike me he a really nice smile; it was a warm smile. I want to be able to be able to smile like that too! Unfortunately I didn't see him for the rest of the day so I couldn't ask him to teach me. When my work was done I went straight home and told sister about the boy she stiffened for a moment and nodded silently as she turned back to whatever she was doing. I turned towards Natalia who was playing on the floor and told her what happened. She looked at me for a moment and then turned back to what she was doing. We ate our diner in silence and got ready to sleep. I hate the silence.

I left the cottage while my sister's where still sleeping and headed for the gardens. I only share with them my happiness. I finally found someone like me and it was someone that could teach me to be likable! Why couldn't they be happy for me? Why can't they let it go? I did what I had to because it was the only way to save them, yet they hate me for it. Why?

I had pushed those thoughts aside as I worked I was almost done with the chores in the garden when Mister Kirkland told me I had to help his son bathe. I felt very happy and well uncomfortable. I had just met the friendly looking boy after all and now I had to help him bathe but I would not deny the person that basically saved use from becoming homeless people on the streets his request; also it was a chance to ask the boy if he could teach me how to smile like he did! But it was really awkward. I hate that fact that I could not communicate with the other so he had to resort to doing funny demonstrations of what he needed to do and it the embarrassed him. I was after all still a stranger and well I was just very awkward.

"_Ah so you can speak French... I thought you where Russian... and well you are a peasant aren't you so you couldn't have gone to school right...?" _said Sir Kirkland's son from the tub. My back was currently facing towards as to give him privacy. I didn't know why but my face is still warm from the slipping incident. This wasn't my first time seeing a naked person yet I couldn't stop blushing.

"_You are right I wasn't able to go to school but we leaved is St. Petersburg and a lot of people speak French there especially the nobles! So I have to be able to understand French to work there. I only know how to speak it though. I don't know how to write it."_

"_Oh..." _I looked down my feet. I the water splash around some more before it stopped.

"_Um Ivan could you help me out the tub now I want to rinse..."_ I nodded and turned around to pick him up but then he held up a hand and said.

"_Y-you should take your shirt off... It will get wet."_ And without thinking I took of my shirt. I hear him gasp and then I realised my mistake. There in full display was my distorted torso. I hastily put my shirt back on.

"_Wha-what-"_ his eyes was filled with shock just like how my sister's eyes were when they me that day. I wanted to run. Now there was no way this boy was going to show me how to smile like he did. He would become just like my sister. Tears were starting to make their way out of my eyes and I was about to leave when something grabbed on to my shirt. I turned back to see Matvey holding onto my shirt.

"_P-please don't leave." _ I looked at him and to my surprise there was no disgust in his eyes. But there was something else. Something that I should have notice but instead I was focus to the fact that he was not look appalled.

"Let's talk about this okay." he said in a soft voice. He let go of my shirt and smile at me. There was that smile again. That warm friendly smile that he wore when he shook my hand. Then he said the word I had always wanted to hear.

"I will listen, so let talk about it yes." I nodded and I think it was at that moment that my tears started to fall.

After we finished in the bathroom we went in Matvey's room and I helped him get dress and then we sat there for some time as I retold my story and after I did felt better. He beckoned me to come closer to him and he did the unexpected. He did what I had hoe what my sister had done. He wrapped his arms around me and patted my head and whispered sweet nothings as he let me empty my tears on his shoulders.

I felt safe in the arms of this stranger but if I had paid more attention I would have noticed that look he had in his eyes. If I had paid attention I would have had noticed that the moment I accepted this act of kindness I had forever sealed my fate of becoming his.

**tbc**

**zero434: alot of nobles did speak french during the 1800s in something i learned in history 12 XD**

**review please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

**The Lonely and The Mental**

**Notes: **_"Speaking in French"_

Chapter Four: Teach me how to smile

As I sat there and listen to Ivan tell his story I started to notice things about the other boy. It's a bad habit of mine actually; one of the many reasons why people don't like coming near me. I start to observe them. Well to put it more bluntly I stare at them. It scares them and I know I should stop it if I want to make friends but I just can't help it. Maybe I was just hoping to see a different reaction on their faces. All my life I have seen pitying glances from adults and disgusted or scared expressions from other children.

The boy's body language screamed shy, well at least it did to me... but I was staring at him (rather intensely if I my add). Now that I think about it his movements are kind of well awkward. He big hands clutching the hem of his shirt like a scared infant. The way he shyly looked with teary eyes as he told me of his shameful secret, his shameful and pitiful past. His personality and age really did not match his big built. I was taken aback when he told me how old he is. He was the same age as me! Won't father be in for a pleasant surprise when he hears he had hired a ten years old boy as a gardener.

This was great. He is a shy, awkward and maybe even insecure boy. I could tell that he was lonely like me. He will be a great friend. He could be the one. He will be the one that would always be there for me. He will be the one that would love me unconditionally. He will be mine.

After he had finish telling his tragic tale I knew just what he needed. He needed some to hold him. Some to tell him it would be okay. Some that would comfort him. That someone would be me and in return he would give me his loyalty, his devotion, his love. I find it funny that I was the one giving such comforts when I myself have been deprived of such privileges.

When Ivan had finished crying his little heart out on my shoulder he thanked me and when I looked into his eyes it was filled with gratitude and happiness. 'Finally someone had stopped and took the time to listen to me' was that thought that was probably circling his mind.

"_A Mathieu..."_ I focus on the boy and saw that he was... blushing?

"_Yes." _ I replied

"_Would you teach me how to smile like that!" _he said with a big smile, I gave shoot him a confused look and he seemed to flatter but then he gave me another smile.

"_Teach me to smile like you did just a moment ago! You were smiling like that when we first met too! It's so warm and friendly! I want to learn to smile just like you!"_ I chuckled at his enthusiasm. Smile like me huh... Was I smiling...hmm...

"_Well it seems to me you can smile just fine on your own. Look you are smiling so much!"_ he blushed and looked down to his lap. It was adorable.

"_Well my smiles aren't warm or friendly like yours. I smile all the time back at Russia but the kids there said it was creepy."_ He said with a pout. I smiled at him.

"_Well Ivan I don't really know how to teach someone to smile and I don't really smile often..." _This saddened the boy.

"_But maybe we could teach each other. I will try to teach you how to smile um...less creepily but in return you must help me smile more often."_He was about to reply when the door to my room burst often to reveal father standing there with an unpleasant look on his face. Ivan stood up immediately and gave a small bow.

"Matthew, what did say about speaking in that bloody language." He was angry.

"I'm sorry father but I-I." I was whispering again.

"What was that? Speak up boy!" he half yelled. He was trying to control his anger.

"I-Ivan is fluent in French and it is easier to communicate with him in French." I tried to speak louder, hopefully father heard it.

"What?" he said and turned to Ivan.

"I come from P-Petersburg a-and people t-talk French i-in the house I served before." Ivan said. I could see him starting to get nervous and trying to shrink and which was impossible considering how big he was.

"Oh... well Matthew I want you to start teaching him how to speak in the language we use in this house." With that he turned around and left. I turned to Ivan and he looked shaken.

"_Don't worry he is not mad at you. Father really just dis-likes French." _Ivan nodded.

"_So I guess in addition to teaching you smile I have to also teach you English."_ I smiled at him and he smiled back. I really don't see how his smile was creepy.

"_Yes, so maybe I should teach you some Russian!"_

For the rest of the day Ivan and I played around the garden. Well it was more like he was pushing me around to where I want to go and talking about different. It was fun having someone to talk to again. But it was soon time for Ivan to go back to his house. I almost felt reluctant to let go of him but he said he would be back tomorrow. Of course he would be back he worked here. I watch as his form vanished into the forest and felt the void in my heart come back.

Over dinner father and I talked about Ivan and as I thought he was surprised to find out how old the boy really was. Now he had to find somebody new to be the gardener. Asked him if he was going to fire Ivan and was relieve to find out that he wasn't.

"The real reason I hired Ivan in the first place was so that you would have someone to talk to when I'm not around which is often." Was what he said.

"Ivan will stay as our gardener until I find a more a replacement. You also look like you have taken a liking to the other boy so he will stay but not as a gardener but your servant." With that we ate dinner in silence. He didn't mention anything about Ivan and I speaking in the language he loathed. He is trying real hard to forget about her.

**Tbc**


End file.
